PATHways.

I graduated from Liberty the other day. Finally. 

                                          

It was a long process; there were 24 years between my Bachelor's degree in 2000 and the M.Ed. in 2024. What a road.

For some reason, though, I don't feel like there's a period at the end of thie school-sentence. I'm currently trying to figure out why, but I don't feel "done." I want to keep going. I want more knowledge, more info, more tools to pile into the proverbial box, ready to be whipped out, hammering or wrenching a way into solving all the kids' isssues... what if those tools - those resources I either have or am acquiring - are "just the thing" our school needs?

                                                   

Lee Christian's enrollment is currently maxed out, and we have increasing numbers of potential students for each grade from kindergarten through 12th grade filling up the waiting list. Of the growing numbers of families interested in our incredible school, a large percentage of them is students with varying levels of special needs that necessitate IEPs, PSSPs, and/ or 504 plans. Addtionally, families and schools are seeing a huge uptick in the numbers of diagnoses of ranging neurodivergent conditions, including Autism and ADHD, as well as increases in the numbers of students with almost-debilitating anxiety and kiddos who have histories of social/ emotional deficiencies. They're coming, and we need to be ready.

This is my wheelhouse. 

                                                  

When I think about my "why," though, as teachers are often asked to do, I honestly have to exert a great deal of brain energy. It changes, and it frequently shows up for me as questions to myself about whether or not my motives are entirely altruistic in nature. I'm an overthinker, and I often border into self-deprecation territory; this situation is no different. Is my "why" self-serving? Rooted in trauma and horrific self esteem? Or is it because I'm one of those people that just wants to help, to do the right thing...? 

Or, perhaps, a combo of fueling my own needs and actually helping others?

                                                   

Allow me to elaborate: 

God has gifted me with the abilities and skills necessary to successfully work with students who have significant challenges, behaviorally and/ or academically. That is indisputable. In my brain, though, I toss over and over questions like: "So what?" and "to what degree?" "what does that mean?" and "what exactly does that look like?" as I ponder whether or not to move forward in my education or if/ when I do, which educational path is best for me?

                                                   

And there's also this: 

It's always been a huge desire for me to have the letters after my name indicating levels of expertise and/ or credentials. Middle and high school girls- even adults, I've seen- doodle their own first names with love-interests' last names tacked onto the end, suggesting marriage/ permanence, "arrival" of sorts, and acceptance. I, too, have practiced my signature (and yep, the last name is oft-changed, which is a story for another blog entry) with M. Ed, ASDI, Ph.D, BCBA, ASDCS, and Ed.D, testing the acronyms out, seeing what each one looks like behind my name in an email or scribbled on a paper document. Somehow, I've equated the post-moniker alphabet-addition to "being" someone important. I want to make my parents, my friends, and my work community proud. I want to reach a certain level of credibility within my professional circles and among my parents and siblings, and I want to achieve some sort of status that somehow my brain thinks is attainable only with educational and intellectual validation. 

To be fair, too, as an adult, I have become quite enamored with sitting in a classroom or virtual setting and garnering as much knowledge as I can; I have fallen in love with the idea of being a student, for sure. I genuinely enjoy the information-soaking, and it is so helpful, too, by giving me a space and ability to empathize with my students about sitting in a classroom, turning in the assignments, and doing the hard things. I want to have the knowledge and tools our school needs to help the growing numbers, as well as to address the increase in intensity of services necessary to meet these kids where they are. I want to serve God and Lee Christian well, using the gifts and talents He's given me; it appears as though we're in a position to fill a huge need in our community with the numbers of inquiries our admissions office has fielded, tours that have been taken, and documentation that has come across our desks.

What exactly are my options? 

1. Do nothing. Stay where I am with what I've got. It's no small feat, I know, to achieve what I have, with God's hand on my life, post stroke and post-everything else I've been through. I mean it's life, sure, but I've definitely been thrown some curveballs and come out ok.

2. Doctorate. Education? Psych? For what? What would it look like for me? What would it look like for Lee Christian? FAFSA can assist with payment for this one. PhD or EdD could help with wholesale, schoolwide curricular decisions as I build this PATHways department/ program.

3. BCBA or RBT... Autism-focused, expert licensure/ credentials in ABA therapy. Our school admin is unfamiliar with this type of licensure, and isn't super jazzed with the appearance of our school as a "behavior place." And boy, do I get it. We simply do not - at this moment - have the resources with which to work in order to effectively meet every need as we navigate accomplishing our magnanimous vision. I understand one hundred percent. This could change that game, though, and help to move us from a place of uncertainty to shifting the "what does behavior look like" narrative a bit. 

No financial aid for option #3, and it's pricey. 

Also, there’s an exam that’s been likened to the bar exam, which makes me way more than nervous. Could I even pass it?

I actually started classes a couple weeks ago for my BCBA certification, and wow, it's a lot. It's fascinating, beyond interesting, and it seems as though I'm fairly decent at grasphing the material, but time-consuming and takes away from much-needed rest and high-need family. Again, what would it look like for my family and for me? What would it look like for Lee Christian, right now and big-picture?

                 

I've thought for months about how my personal pathways can and will have an effect on our EC plan of the same name. 

Personal pathways... Lee Christian School's PATHways... 

How do mine align with His for my school, my family, and for me? What's the right one?